BECAUSE I DONT WANT OTHER PEOPLE READ THE ENTRIES THAT ALREADY WAS UP.

like unneeded entries for people who dont belong reading them that much anyways.

LOL before i went to bed i was like "FUCK i shoudl have said "no no no no to this and that"" but i trust your judgement.

i thought you were going to change teh grammar on my entries. LOL hahahahah

why does it matter?

THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP AT 7:30 AM?! YOU CRAZY. i woke up at that time because someone CALLED. mofos

why the hell did your IP change?

25 Feb, Wed, 10:01:04 ip68-5-86-206.oc.oc.cox.net MSIE 6 Windows XP
26 Feb, Thu, 11:22:40 ip68-4-96-45.oc.oc.cox.net MSIE 6 Windows 2000
26 Feb, Thu, 12:18:13 c-24-6-35-92.client.comcast.net MSIE 6 Windows XP

im taking the first two are yours anyways.

aww ur sis is 8. how cute.

oh yeah. im pissed. fucking kazaa NEVER has jedi mind tricks exertion rmx. NO ONE I KNOW LISTEN TO THIS EITHEr. UGHH

oh yeah we got a multicultural thing coming up. the two badns that might have played WERE ROOTS and heiroglyphics. BUT stupid people wanted "small bands" instead of one big band. DUMB ASSES.

i already gave it to you. pft you dont even pay attention. i gave it to you since ... the day you blogged.
dont change the amount of posts displayed.

GO TAKE CARE OF YOU DAMN CAT.
lol janet told on you!!! :O hahaa jk.

great im sick. going to doctors thurs to get emergency testing. fuck i got midterm that day too.

im sorry allen. i haven't checked this until today because even though you believe i love him, in a way i do. we would NEVER work out.

he been cheating on me as well. we broke up you know that you heard my calling janet that day. since then hes been back with the girl that he left before he met me. he says that since her life is so pathetic he wants to make her happy. he doesnt love her anything. and he says that its funny of her to believe that she loves him but sadly she's just confused and naive like the rest of the world. i dont know what to believe because ever since me, hes been lying to me. i kept help to think he said the things he did for me to do the things i do, or the fact that he knew i was in something and he wanted to prove that he could get me. im sure thats the reason. im absolutely positive. i cant do anything about it but to laugh and say how stupid i was. how naive i was to think that happiness would last for me. you know that it doesnt.

its karma i guess. im hurt, lied and betrayed and i dont know what to do. i want to come to you, but i know that is selfish of me and i cant. im left here. not come to you like ... you know, but for comfort. allen i always told you that i wanted to be with him for a certain reason, it was to take care of him. hes like a baby who needs to have someone nurture. hes so afraid of people who he loves abandoning him and hurting him. the fucking retarded thing is, i believe him when he said "i cant be with you, because that woudl hurt jen. i cant hurt again. cuz i have morals" its fucking bullshit. if he had any, as we all know it, this jen thing wouldnt be a problem today. hes not like you, he has none.

AHH I JUST ADDED SOMETHING HERE AND IT TIMED OUT ON ME FOR PUBLISHING> lajdkfkajfljdfs.
i dont believe what you and i did actually had any affect on his and mine relationship. because from the time he met me until now, he always had jen. ALWAYS. im sure they things when we were going out or whatever the time expansion allows. so dont believe that it had any effect on our relationship at all. because it damn well didn't.

youknow wht a friend told me? "dont suicide" funny he should mention that since all ibeen think about was bridges around santa cruz ... i havent been eating. i haven't ate a full meal for 5 days. i just haven't been eating period. i haven't been sleeping either.

i cant say i know what you feel allen. but i do know is in general, i do know what it feels like, in a sense. when you thought you found someone and then ... it just would never seem possible.

i hope you never felt used allen. because please understand i never used you for anything. sure we had sex, but it wasn't for any purpose but because there were feelings. i cant explain it because i feel that anythig i say wont matter anymore. but he definitely used me for that, and as his best friend puts it "your reptutation is gone" yah.

i should leave him huh? ha ... i know. theres something inside of me that says "staay" to find out what happens next but leave anyhow.

odd i thought you took yourself off this blog. funny 'cause last night i thought about reiniviting you to it just to let you know you are welcome anytime. i guess you got into my account and invited yourself back?

my screen name doesnt block you, so at any time you want to talk just talk to me. thats only if you wish to. do what your heart tells you. and dont expect anything from me because if i do anything with you anytime soon, it definitely will seem that its just a plan to get you back, this blog was too i mean. but its not. if you dont talk to me, its understandable. my life is shit, im guessing yours is difficult to go through. kinda in the same boat i guess. except i had no idea this was coming to me because if i did i wouldn't be here now, thats for sure.

i need a friend. i need the comfort that i was i trying to look for him. and if you dont want to be that friend, understandable. but there was no hurt in asking.

i know i hurt you. i know i hurt everyone around me. I KNOW IT. im sorry. i cant say or do much to convince you though. i cant say sorry without being slandered for the things i did could never be forgiven for. "you disgust me linda" thats what i been told and am believing. im sorry i disgust you too allen. i dont know what happened to me. too blinded in happiness. too blinded in everything. i lost all friends around me. i have no one. janet is having her problems. no one is around me for even go come to, or for a trivial talk. doesnt matter. i lost everything i cared for and what was really best for me. i lost you.

the cloud doesnt does have the mountain because it was everywhere in the first place. everywhere.

i guess thats it for now

dreams are bad aren't they.

at least we have those of happy ones ... or the ones that make me like a retard

30 minutes for me to turn on a computer =(

im streaming music from my computer. LOL HAHAHA im so cool :)

http://169.233.6.125:8000/listen.pls
add that to your winamp URL

1. 50 Cent - 21 Questions (feat. Nate Dogg) (3:44)
2. Aaliyah - Come Over (3:55)
3. Aaliyah - Miss You (4:05)
4. AFI - Morningstar (3:17)
5. AFI - Bleed Black (4:11)
6. AFI - But Home Is Nowhere (3:52)
7. AFI - Dancing Through Sunday (2:29)
8. AFI - Death of Seasons (4:01)
9. AFI - Girl's Not Grey (3:13)
10. AFI - Miseria Cantare (The Beginning) (2:56)
11. AFI - Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings) (3:59)
12. AFI - Silver and Cold (4:11)
13. AFI - The Great Disappointment (5:29)
14. AFI - The Leaving Song Pt. 2 (3:28)
15. AFI - The Leaving Song (2:46)
16. AFI - This Celluloid Dream (4:12)
17. An American Tail - Somewhere Out There (2:45)
18. Aqua - Dr. Jones (3:23)
19. Ataris - Alone In Santa Cruz. (1:43)
20. Atmosphere - Fuck You Lucy (5:30)
21. Atmosphere - If I Was Santa Clause (3:50)
22. Atmosphere - Modern Man's Hustle (3:44)
23. Audioslave - I Am the Highway (5:35)
24. Audioslave - Like a Stone (4:50)
25. Audioslave - Show Me How to Live (4:37)
26. Frankie J - Suga Suga (3:40)
27. Beck - Lost Cause (3:50)
28. Beyoncé - Me, Myself and I (5:01)
29. Beyoncé Knowles - Baby Boy (ft. Sean Paul) (3:48)
30. Blue October - Calling You (4:20)
31. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart (6:58)
32. Britney Spears f/ Madonna - Me Against The Music (3:44)
33. Britney Spears - Toxic (3:24)
34. Chevelle - Closure (4:16)
35. Chevelle - Send the Pain Below (4:12)
36. Chicago - Hard To Say Im Sorry (5:06)
37. Chingy - Holidae In ft. Ludacris & Snoop Dogg (5:14)
38. Chopin - Nocturne in C-sharp Minor (1830) (4:10)
39. Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within (5:04)
40. Coldplay - The Scientist (5:08)
41. Coldplay - Green Eyes (3:41)
42. Coldplay - Moses (5:31)
43. coldplay - shiver (5:02)
44. Coldplay - Yellow (4:28)
45. The Corrs - Little wing (4:41)
46. Dashboard Confessional - Screamin Infedelities (3:33)
47. Dean Martin & Frank Sinatra - That's Amore (3:08)
48. Dido - White Flag (3:42)
49. Eagles - Hotel California (7:12)
50. Eric Clapton - Layla (unplugged) (4:46)
51. Etta James - At Last (3:00)
52. Evanescence - Bring Me To Life (3:57)
53. Evanescence - Everybody's Fool (3:15)
54. Evanescence - Going Under (3:34)
55. Evanescence - Haunted (2:59)
56. Evanescence - My Immortal (4:26)
57. Evanescence - Tourniquet (3:45)
58. Eve 6 - Think Twice (3:50)
59. Fefe Dobson - Everything (4:11)
60. A Flock Of Seagulls - I Ran (5:07)
61. Foo Fighters - All My Life (4:11)
62. Foo Fighters - Everlong (Acoustic) (4:26)
63. Na Leo Pilimehana - For The Rest Of Your Life (3:25)
64. Frank Sinatra - April In Paris (2:48)
65. Frank Sinatra - As Time Goes By (3:09)
66. Christmas - Baby, Its Cold Outside (2:50)
67. Frank Sinatra - Beyond the Sea (2:52)
68. Frank Sinatra - Blue Moon (2:51)
69. Frank Sinatra - Chicago (2:11)
70. Frank Sinatra - Come Fly With Me (3:24)
71. Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon (With Count Basie) (2:29)
72. Frank Sinatra - Fools Rush In (3:16)
73. Frank Sinatra - High Hopes (2:40)
74. Frank Sinatra - It Had To Be You (2:38)
75. Frank Sinatra - I've Got You Under My Skin (3:42)
76. Frank Sinatra - Luck Be a Lady (5:15)
77. Frank Sinatra - Moon River (3:18)
78. Frank Sinatra - My Way (4:37)
79. Frank Sinatra - New York, New York (3:26)
80. Frank Sinatra - Singing in the Rain (4:15)
81. Frank Sinatra - That's Life (3:10)
82. Frank Sinatra - White Christmas (2:37)
83. Frank Sinatra - Yesterday (3:54)
84. Frank Sinatra and Count Basie - I Only Have Eyes For You (3:30)
85. Ghostface Killah/Mary J. Blige - All That I Got Is You (5:22)
86. Goo Goo Dolls - Iris (4:51)
87. Hilary Duff - Why Not (3:02)
88. Hoobastank - Out Of Control (2:45)
89. Hoobastank - Running Away (3:00)
90. Incubus - I Miss You (2:48)
91. Incubus - I Wish You Were Here (3:33)
92. Jason Mraz- You and I Both (3:37)
93. Jimmy Eat World - Sweetness (3:37)
94. Jin - Learn Chinese (4:33)
95. Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River (4:50)
96. Justin Timberlake - I'm Loving It (3:41)
97. Kelis - Milk Shake (3:07)
98. Lifehouse - Breathing (4:42)
99. Lifehouse - Everything (6:07)
100. Lifehouse - Spin (4:12)
101. Lil' Jon & The Eastside Boyz - Get Low (5:34)
102. Lillix - Tomorrow (3:43)
103. Linkin Park - Meteora - 03 - Somewhere I Belong - Abyss (3:33)
104. Linkin Park - Meteora - 04 - Lying from You - Abyss (2:55)
105. Linkin Park - Meteora - 05 Hit the Floor (2:44)
106. Linkin Park - Meteora - 06 Easier to Run (3:24)
107. Linkin Park - Meteora - 07 Faint (2:42)
108. Linkin Park - Meteora - 11 Nobody's Listening (2:58)
109. Linkin Park - Meteora - 13 - Numb - Abyss (3:07)
110. Liz Phair - Why Can't I (3:27)
111. Manhattans - You're my Shining Star (3:47)
112. Michelle Branch - All You Wanted (3:37)
113. Mariah feat. 98 Degrees & Joe - Thank God I Found You (4:40)
114. Maroon5 - This Love (3:37)
115. Michelle Branch - Breathe (3:31)
116. Michelle Branch - Everywhere (3:39)
117. Monica - Angel Of Mine (4:10)
118. Moulin Rouge - Elephant Love Song (4:13)
119. Muse - Intro (0:22)
120. Muse - Apocalypse Please (4:13)
121. Sawa - Our Time is Running Out - Muse (3:58)
122. Muse - Sing for Absolution (4:55)
123. Muse - Falling Away with You (4:40)
124. Muse - Interlude (0:38)
125. Muse - Hysteria (3:47)
126. Muse - Blackout (4:22)
127. Muse - Butterflies and Hurricanes (5:01)
128. Muse - Tsp (3:29)
129. Muse - Endlessly (3:41)
130. Muse - Thoughts of A Dying Atheist (3:11)
131. Muse - Ruled by Secrecy (6:01)
132. Muse - Bliss (4:14)
133. Muse - Dark Shines (4:49)
134. Muse - Feeling Good (3:19)
135. Muse - In Your World (2:34)
136. Muse - Megalomania (4:36)
137. Muse - Overdue (2:26)
138. Muse - Sober (4:03)
139. Muse - Sunburn (3:53)
140. Muse - Unintended (3:57)
141. Muse - New Born (6:07)
142. My Best Friends Wedding - The Way You Look Tonight (3:20)
143. NORE - Nothing (4:22)
144. Na Leo Pilimehana - what are you doing for the res (3:23)
145. Necro - Underground (5:27)
146. No Doubt - Don't Speak (4:23)
147. No Doubt - No Doubt Its My Life (3:46)
148. NSYNC - Gone (4:54)
149. Oasis - Wonderwall (4:18)
150. Our Lady Peace - Bring Back The Sun (5:13)
151. Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There (4:10)
152. Outkast - The Way You Move (Feat. Sleepy (3:56)
153. Ozma - Apple Trees (3:21)
154. Ozma - Baseball (5:33)
155. Ozma - Battlescars (8:44)
156. Ozma - Natalie Portman (3:47)
157. Ozma - Shooting Stars (4:05)
158. Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford - All I Ask Of You (4:12)
159. Pharrell Williams ft Jay-Z - Frontin (4:01)
160. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under The Bridge (4:21)
161. Red Hot Chili Peppers - By the Way (4:17)
162. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication (5:21)
163. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Can`t Stop (4:27)
164. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Don't Forget Me (4:37)
165. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Dosed (5:14)
166. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Parallel Universe (4:30)
167. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tissue (3:37)
168. Red Hot Chili Peppers - tear (5:17)
169. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge (4:24)
170. Rufio - Still (3:04)
171. Sarah Brightman&Andrea Bocelli - Time to say goodbye (4:08)
172. Sarah Brightman - Only An Ocean Away (4:55)
173. Simple Plan - Addicted (3:52)
174. Simple Plan - Meet You There (4:14)
175. Simple Plan - Perfect (4:36)
176. Smashing Pumpkins - Today Is The Greatest Day (3:20)
177. Something Corporate - Bad Day (3:38)
178. Something Corporate - cavanaugh park (4:12)
179. something corporate - Hurricane (weather patterns) (3:58)
180. Something Corporate - if i die (4:15)
181. Something Corporate - If You See Jordan (4:22)
182. Something Corporate - inside the pocket (2:59)
183. Something Corporate - Konstantine (9:35)
184. Something Corporate - Punk Rock Princess (3:49)
185. something corporate - Walking By (4:32)
186. Soul Asylum - Runaway Train (4:26)
187. Sting - Fields of Gold (3:42)
188. Tenacious D - Fuck Her Gently (2:04)
189. The All-American Rejects - Swing Swing (3:52)
190. The All-American Rejects - (3:29)
191. The Ataris - In This Diary (3:52)
192. The Ataris - Looking Back on Today (3:48)
193. The Starting Line - Best Of Me (4:21)
194. The Starting Line - Greg's Last Day (2:42)
195. The Starting Line - Leaving (3:30)
196. The Starting Line - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now (3:32)
197. The Starting Line - Piano Song (4:14)
198. The Starting Line - Saddist Girl Story (3:23)
199. 3 Doors Down - Here Without You (3:55)
200. Thursday - Cross Out The Eyes (4:07)
201. Thursday - Paris In Flames (4:33)
202. Thursday - Porcelain (4:36)
203. Thursday - Streaks In The Sky (4:30)
204. Thursday - The Dream (4:39)
205. Thursday - Understanding in a Car Crash (4:24)
206. Thursday - Where the Circle Ends (3:11)
207. Tony Rich Project - Nobody Knows (5:06)
208. Trapt - Headstrong (4:45)
209. Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles (3:56)
210. Vi3 - Eyes Closed So Tight (3:23)
211. Vitamin C - Graduation (Friends Forever) (5:40)
212. Wonder, Wayne - No Letting Go (3:22)
213. Weezer - Island In The Sun (3:30)
214. Weezer - Say It Aint So (4:19)
215. Wham - Last Christmas (4:27)
216. Whitney Housten Feat. Faith Evans and Kelly Price - Heartbreak Hotel (4:40)
217. Winter's Sonata - My Memory (Piano) (4:22)

need more better music

i got a fucking 35% on my midterm. omfg im going to die soon. DIE :(

c-24-6-35-92.client.comcast.net

who the fuck is that now?

how the hell did you go FROM MY BLOG TO THIS BLOG? who the fuck are you!?

so how has your life been going? mines pretty boring this week is hell, theres more to come too. i have two midterms tomorrow and have yet to be really prepared. math and econ, econ let me just say is soooo fucking retarded and its like physics to me - not understandable at all. for something that seems so easy with equations i cant put words and numbers together. but integrals i can do.

i failed the comp sci midterm. i dontk now what the hell im doing in that class, im having second thoughts on my major ... though this is the last cs class i have to take for the next two years. im taking discrete math with mv calc next quarter though. i either need to make up my mind or start to get back in track in school.

why is comp sci so fucking hard? its like sure i know the basics but from classes TO data structures/adt NODES/ QUEUES and shit like that im brain dead. i cant even make a stupid program for the damn test. some were just fragments others were just A method. WTF I FEEL LIKE killing myself for this. i never had a problem of knowing im going to fail.

so what major doesnt deal with chem, physics, ECON, or comp sci? but maybe with bio and math. maybe i should check out pyschology or law or something gawd. i think my future has just got ruined and i feel retarded and i feel helpless.

im so fucking stupid its unbelievable.